he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
