I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
