is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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