Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
