It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
