There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
