I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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