I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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