I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
