Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
