i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
