HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize