the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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