ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
