Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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