I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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