I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
