a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
