If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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