did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
