I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
