i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
