A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize