I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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