we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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