real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
