just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
