Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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