I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
