Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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