I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
