I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
