Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
