she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
