Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
