We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
