And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
