Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
