I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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