She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
