God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
