i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
