these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
