exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
