I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
