I never want to see another naked old woman again.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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