That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize