I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
