I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
