i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
