you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
