if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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