She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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