You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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