life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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