you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
