A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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