i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
