my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize