What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
