i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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