she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
