my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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