so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
