never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
