I just cut my nipple shaving
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
