You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize