Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize