I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
