I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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