Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
