No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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