...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
