I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
